the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
