We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
