I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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