Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
