Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
