She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
