it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
