just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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