Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
