I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize