This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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