So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
