puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
