I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
