I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
