ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
