Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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