I'm so fucking centered right now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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