Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
