But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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