We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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