Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You've changed since you got that strap on
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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