So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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