The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
