Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
