I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
