I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
