Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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