i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize