you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
