just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
