Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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