I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
