How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
