I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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