we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
