So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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