Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
