True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
