can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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