somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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