i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sober January is a disaster.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
