We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
