haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize