the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
