the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
