I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
