forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
