Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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