my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
