Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
