you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
