OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
