I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
