I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
