so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
