TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
we should paint friendship bongs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
