i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
