would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
how drunk are you?
Several
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
