just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
