I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
