meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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