I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
