I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
