Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
