Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
