Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
