I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
