thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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