whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
